EZLANG Interpreter (Ultimate Edition)

Warning: this language is intentionally unfriendly and a complete nightmare. Proceed with caution.

EZLANG Documentation (Unforgiving Edition)

Welcome to the EZLANG documentation. Just kidding, you won’t get any help here. Here’s everything you **don’t** need to know:

Rules to Follow (And Break):

Start your input with: "I am an idiot running this code: {code}". If you forget this, nothing happens. Not like you care.
Don’t ask for "help". That’s a trap.
If you say "too hard." we’ll mock you with "yes." Because you’re clearly incapable.
There’s no way to succeed. Don’t bother trying. We’ll trap you at every step.

Commands (Don’t Expect Any of Them to Work):

$~{\}<\{H}=!SUB+1{E} — Increments the register. If you didn’t get this, well... good luck.
!>VAR@{D}: — Prints the register. Get used to seeing "0" a lot.
*$VAR+2; — Adds 2. Wow, so complex. Your mind must be blown.
{IF%?GOTO>>} — Conditional jump. Yeah, right. You’ll be stuck here forever.
#LOOP*{X} — Loops 3 times. No one cares. But try it anyway.
— End the program. Please, just end it all already.
(!ERR_404) — You’ll get this a lot. You're probably doing something wrong.
++[MEM0] — Increase MEM[0]. I mean, you could do that in any language, but sure, go ahead.
READ$LINE% — Pretends to read a line. Like you're actually gonna use it.
:EXIT$NOW; — Exits immediately. You’re probably begging for this already.
==NULL; — Does absolutely nothing. Just like your life.
!!{BREAK} — Breaks the flow. No, really, it does nothing except make you feel like an idiot.
%%ERROR!< — Traps you in an infinite loop of despair.
///UNDEFINED$VAR — A trap. Pretend to use a variable that doesn’t exist and cry when it fails.
&&&CHECK$ERROR — Fake error checking. It's all lies.
==CLEAN{UP} — Fake cleanup. You didn’t do anything. Nice try.
||INFINITE_LOOP — Don’t use this unless you want to die of boredom.
@BADCOMMAND — This command doesn't even exist. You're just being trolled.
> — Throws an error... probably not the one you wanted.


      :FORCE_EXIT; — Forces an exit. But only if you're ready to face the consequences.



    Traps (Enjoy Being Trolled):
    
      trap[0] - Syntax Error: You’ll hit this at least 50 times. Deal with it.
      trap[1] - Infinite Loop: Use this at your own risk. You're gonna be stuck here forever.
      trap[2] - Null Pointer: Just like your code. Null and pointless.
      trap[3] - Undefined Command: You wrote a command that doesn’t exist. Ha! We warned you.
      trap[4] - Memory Overflow: You're trying to fill memory, but it’s all empty. Sorry, your brain is too small.
      trap[5] - Logic Error: You’ve been trying to make sense of this all along. Logic is overrated.
      trap[6] - Execution Halt: Congratulations! Your program is officially too broken to continue.
      trap[7] - Division by Zero: You tried to divide by zero. Nothing comes from that. Same as your life.
      trap[8] - Infinite Recurse: Keep calling the same thing over and over. Endless recursion. Enjoy!
      trap[9] - Stack Overflow: You're now out of memory. Try again... or don’t.
      trap[10] - Fatal Exception: Game over. You failed.
      trap[11] - Resource Leak: You forgot to clean up. Now you're just leaking everywhere.
      trap[12] - Unhandled Input: You thought your input would work. But no. It's not gonna work. Ever.
      trap[13] - Recursive Loop: You thought you could solve this. You can’t.
      trap[14] - Unreachable Code: You wrote some code no one will ever reach. Good job wasting your time.
      trap[15] - Invalid Character: Oh no, you typed something wrong. Do you even know what you’re doing?
      trap[16] - Buffer Overflow: There’s not enough space for your mistakes. Keep failing.
      trap[17] - Infinite Wait: Your program is stuck waiting for something. Too bad, nothing will ever happen.
      trap[18] - Wrong Syntax: Again, seriously, you can’t get this right?
      trap[19] - Execution Lock: Your code is locked up. It’s trapped. You’re trapped. Forever.
    

    Common Errors:
    
      404 ERROR: "You’re lost. Again. Try harder. No one cares." - This is your life now.
      500 INTERNAL ERROR: "Something broke. Like, everything broke. Can’t even begin to explain how badly you messed up."
      HALT: "The program has stopped because it hates you. You’ve failed. End of story."
      NULL ERROR: "You did something null and void. Like your entire existence."